January 29, 2001
Though I realize I tempt fate in even thinking what I am about to say, for the immediate moment, I must admit that life is good. My banana crops have avoided the ravages of slugs which has so unfortunately destroyed those of all around me. My hunch that the Ray Lewis-led Baltimore Ravens would leave their opponents in much the same bloodied, ventilated condition as those who dared step on his alligator Gucci loafers last year proved dead on, much to my bookie’s chagrin. And once again, my work here has been made easy, thanks to the unexpected assistance of a kind, anonymous sympathizer who has supplied me with the following, ever-tantalizing, interoffice communiqué. While once again, lacking neither the will nor the means to accomplish any sort of certified fact-checking, I can in no way verify the authenticity of this e-mail, (in fact, for argument’s sake, let’s say its veracity is dubious at best,) I do find it amusing, so I share it with you now with the simple hope you will find it equally so.

—The Editor
HOME