February 12, 2001
I love animals. They’re cute and cuddly and some of them are non-judgmental, loyal friends who will not hold grudges no matter what you do. I’m speaking of monkeys, of course. But that’s another story. I also love animals in commercials. There have been some great ones over the past years that I’m too tired right now to remember, but you know which ones I’m talking about. But when every time I turn my satellite dish into American television, I see a spot featuring a bear, someone has to speak up and say "no more bears."

Am I alone in this observation? Maybe I’m watching too much TV or perhaps the hallucinogens are getting the better of my deteriorating consciousness, but are there or are there not a shitload of bear spots on the air right now?

I’ll go through the list.

VW— Guy takes picture with bear cub, Momma bear gets pissed, guy has to drive away before he gets a limb ripped off and shoved up his ass.

Toyota— Group of fishermen comes back to camp to find a bear devouring their food. Guys, in a show of bravado, chase the bear away. One guy says, "Word Up." I forget the rest.

McDonalds— Two guys trapped in a cabin. Bear bursts in and wants their chicken McNuggets, but of course they are not willing to part with the pre-formed, deep-fried gizzard meat.

Smirnoff Ice— Same as Toyota but funny. And no use of dated phrase like "Word Up."

There, that’s four bear spots (that I know of, anyway) that are all running at the same time. And for those who visit AdCritic, you’ll find yet another bear spot that runs in Europe featuring a hilarious man vs. bear Three Stooges style fight. That’s five.

Now, I’m not saying these spots are awful. I really do like the Smirnoff spot and the John West spot, but how did this happen? Are the bear wranglers of the world giving kickbacks these days? Did a bunch of planners do focus groups and discover that the likeability of the brand increases with the use of bears?

I need to know because this kind of commonality happens only once in an ad career. It’s like seeing a rare comet for an astronomer or discovering a new strand of genetic linkage for a biochemist. We are witnessing history ladies and gentleman. Ad freaking history. When will we ever see so many spots that are so similar all running at the same time? Probably never.

Wait, I take that back. This is advertising. We’ll probably see something like it very soon.
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