February 26, 2001
To be honest, there are some weeks when I really have to stretch myself to find a campaign worthy of review. Not that advertising is miraculously improving to the point that bad campaigns have become few and far between, of course. That would be crazy talk. No, there are simply spans of time when everything is such a uniform shade of mediocre grey that nothing stands out. Perhaps I’m simply not paying enough attention. Fortunately, however, this is not to be one of those weeks. Because at long last, I’ve decided to hoist the latest work from Earthlink onto the spit for your fun and amusement. And as I well realize, it’s an honor that has been long overdue.

Granted, I’m not exactly going out on a limb here. In all honestly, I think I’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t instinctively reached for the remote at the first sight of one of these two-color gems. Perhaps it’s instinctual, as the only concept (loosely speaking, of course,) these spots bring to mind is the experience of listening to a focus group on acid. (Coincedentally enough, such a state of mind is in fact, perhaps the best way to endure one of these all-important research "tools." But I digress.) Yes, as if such insightful yammerings as "I hate spam," weren’t bad enough all by themselves when experienced from behind the protective glass of a two-way mirror, now we’re being given the added pleasure of enduring these $50 a session figments of our nightmares as orange and black animations, each swirling the next. Were Timothy Leary alive, even he would probably find himself groping for whatever counter medication he could find to just make it all go away. If only we had access to Mr. Leary’s medicine cabinet today.

Of course, beyond the fact that the visuals just make one’s head hurt, what really makes these spots worthy of my time and attention is the fact that they are nothing more than testimonials. This of course, isn't a horrible thing in and of itself. Like intestinal bacteria, testimonials do have their place in the world of hackneyed advertising formulae. But, for some agencies, resorting to an execution as unoriginal as this is akin to whoremongering. You might as well ask for a sprightly paced jingle. Testimonials are simply a waste of their scary talents. Surely, if a prospective client spoke of their desire for a testimonial campaign in a new business presentation, the creatives would be merciless in their ridicule. "We’re a creative agency, goddamn it," they would say. "If all you want is a testimonial campaign, here’s DMB&B’s number. Now get out. We have real work to do."

But how things change when times get tight. A few dot-coms go belly up, and all of a sudden it's "You want a testimonial? Fine. In fact, we couldn't agree more." In doing so, however, they’re first forced to find a technique that helps them stomach the fact that they and D’Arcy may be in the same business after all. So we get the same testimonial couched in "edgy" animation. Oh, look at the Banana Republicesque color schemes. Wow, they haven't caved in to a bill-paying client. No, of course not. This is completely original. It's thoughtful. It's the voice of real people. And uh, just check out that animation. This is nothing like a testimonial. Not at all.

Seriously, is that all it takes? If so, the animation houses better start raising their rates.
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