December 10, 2001
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ADWEAK STORE | FEATURED STORY | ARCHIVE | F.A.Q. | CONTACT |
My, how time flies when your main daily concerns are keeping the palm fronds out of your rum glass and deciding which of the remarkably endowed local handmaidens will be fortunate enough to serve as your cabana-mate for the evening. Yes, it has been roughly twelve months since I first took digital pen to paper, emptying my bowels on the public stage according to an every-changing schedule of publication dates, and to as much my surprise as anyone else’s, I am still here. To be honest, when I initiated this pogrom of purging the advertising world of all that I found to be pompous and idiotic, I figured it would only be a matter of months, if not weeks, before the doppelgangers who control the advertising world from afar would send their paid henchmen and thugs to pummel me into a fine red paste. Not that I would have blamed them, of course. Such is the bargain into which I have entered, and having some knowledge of their ways, I would expect no less. It is simply how things are done. Nevertheless, despite their best efforts and my occasionally flagging interest-level, I am still here. Huzzah. For that, I am heartened, and for the first time in many a holiday season, I have hopes, slim as they might be, for better days ahead. But enough jibber-jabber. On with the news at hand.
First, I must express my appreciation to all of those who sent word these last few weeks expressing their desire that I soldier on with this publication until the bitter end. Salud! to you, I say. Thanks to your kind words and encouragement, (and the occasional topless photo for which I am immensely thankful,) I have indeed found the strength to continue until those brass-knuckled ambassadors of Omnicom, Interpublic and WPP finally pounce upon the correct grass hut and sever my connection to the living world. Whatever doubts lingered about my coca-addled brain in the last months have been sufficiently exorcised with your notes of inspiration. For this, you have my gratitude. While I began this endeavor merely for my own personal amusement, it is good to know I am not shouting into the void unheard and unappreciated.
Secondly, as the more observant of my readers have already noted, I am pleased to formally announce that at long last, I have finally come upon a means to pay for the cost of publishing this semi-weekly/monthly venting of my spleen. You see, thanks to the remarkably productive clothing manufacturers of Indonesia and other parts East lacking the draconian child labor laws of the U.S., I am now pleased to offer t-shirts, coffee mugs and other trinkets emblazoned with the Adweak logo at a price which offers me just enough profit to cover my existing costs of publication. While the quality of these goods is open to debate, my manufacturers assure me that the t-shirts are hearty Hanes Beefy T’s, a reputable Michael Jordan-endorsed brand, and the mugs are safe to use with your favorite beverages without danger of contracting a nasty case of lead poisoning or Herpes Simplex A. So shop until your obsessive/compulsive habits and/or credit card can stand no more. And please note, in keeping with the fickle trends of fashion and my ever-changing moods, I will be changing the various messages, slogans and designs featured on these items on at least a monthly basis, so come back often. If nothing I offer amuses you to the point of purchase at this time, perhaps one of my future offerings will. Or not. Such are the ways of commerce.
Lastly, as this will most likely be my last dispatch of 2001, let me wish all a joyous holiday season. Though the naked sentimentality which engulfs this season sickens me much like a bowl of out of season mussel soup, in times like this even I must admit it has its occasional charms. So indulge if you must. With an ever-burgeoning bagful of incriminating inter-office correspondence at the ready, and my sense of mockery and outrage rejuvenated, I shall see you again in the coming year.
–The Editor
