|
|
Monster.com Anticipates Upcoming Super Bowl Spot Will Be “Biggest Waste Of Shareholder Money Yet.”
BOSTON— Proclaiming, “We’ve still got more cash than an inner city crack dealer,” job search website Monster.com is promising viewers their commercial slated for this year's Super Bowl will push former boundaries for fiscal responsibility “off the fucking charts.” The spot, reportedly directed by famed auteur Martin Scorsese, was shot in seven continents and features a CGI-created cast of characters dancing to the Beatles’ “Hey Jude.” Said a representative at agency Arnold Communications, “When we submitted a media plan that suggested spending half their budget on a single commercial, we thought they’d freak. But instead they just wanted to know if it included tickets to the game and if we could get Joe Montana to show up at their pre-party. Is this a great client or what?”
Study Shows Thought-Provoking Anti-Smoking Ad Directly Responsible For .0001% Decrease In Teenage Smoking.
WASHINGTON— According to a recent study, an emotional anti-smoking television spot featuring a dying woman discussing the evils of cigarette smoking through a hole in her esophagus has led to an estimated .0001% reduction in new cases of teenage smoking. “It has to be our most successful commercial ever,” said an anti-tobacco spokesman, adding, “It just goes to show you, teens will really listen when the message is relevant to their concerns. When that brave lady told kids that smoking is anything but ‘cool,’ she was speaking their language. I think it struck a nerve out there.” Asked to comment, an anonymous Marlboro chain-smoking 16-year old noted, “That throat hole thing was cool. I wonder if you could get that pierced? It’d be totally tribal.”
Copywriter Bitter After Failure To Receive “Props” From Creative Director During Year-End Meeting.
LOS ANGELES— After creating some “sweet work” for client Friskees cat food, McCann Erikson Copywriter Matt Boskin was shocked when creative leaders failed to acknowledge his contributions by name at the traditional “state-of-the-agency" luncheon. Said the caucasian Boskin, “I was totally dissed out there, y’know what I’m saying? That shit ain’t right.” While coworkers agreed Boskin’s work was deserving of note, they were nevertheless surprised by his degree of bitterness towards agency management. Said Sr. Art Director Kathy Knudsen, “Sure, everyone would have liked to heard our work mentioned, but it was all pretty much crap anyway, so what does it really matter?” Added ACD Jeff Toblinski, “I know Matty was disappointed, but he didn’t need to say he was going to ‘bust a cap in someone’s ass’ unless he got his ‘props.’ I’m mean, c’mon. I don’t think he even knows what that means.”
Ass't AE “Briefs” Creative Team By
Merely Reading Work Order Aloud.
AUSTIN— Breaking new ground in creative/account department relations, GSD&M Ass’t AE Kimmy Shimida recently expedited the otherwise tedious “creative briefing” process by simply reading aloud a pre-written document to the assigned team. “Our primary message for the spot is ‘Southwest Airlines flies to Tucson,’” said Shimida, successfully dictating the pre-distributed brief verbatim. She later noted important mandatories such as logo and phone number inclusion. When asked by the art director if this was a new destination for the airline, Shimida patiently reread the primary message before responding, “I’ll have to ask the client.” Said Copywriter Lisa Boley afterward, “Jesus Christ, what the hell was that? We might as well have read the damn thing ourselves. Why did they even bother to call a meeting?" Nevertheless, Shimida's superiors were impressed by her performance. Said one, "What do these creatives want? I don't think a planner could have read that brief any better. She's going places, just you watch."
|
|
