"The horror, the horror." -The Editor (FULL TEXT)
Jesse Jackson Blasts Lexus For Marketing Only To “Rich Folk.”
EL SEGUNDO— Rainbow Coalition frontman Jesse Jackson issued a public condemnation of Lexus for targeting their marketing exclusively to the affluent. “Lexus car ain’t gonna go far,” he shouted from the podium outside a Beverly Hills Lexus Dealer. “They ain’t got a sedan, made for the poor man,” he added. Mr. Jackson was critical of the carmaker for neglecting the inner city market and for continuing to sell cars only to those who can afford them. Mr. Jackson issued a mandate for Lexus to create a sedan in the $10,000 to $12,000 range with optional “Gold Package and TruBass Stereo System” by year’s end or risk a boycott.


Ogilvy Snags AT&T. TBWA/C/D Creatives Secretly Celebrate.
PLAYA DEL REY— Immediately following the announcement that the $400 million AT&T account had been awarded to Ogilvy & Mather/NY, creatives at the Playa del Rey offices of TBWA/Chiat/Day quietly celebrated at a nearby bar. “What a fucking relief,” said an unidentified art director. “Quite honestly, if we had gotten the account, I would have sent my book to fucking Dailey or something.” AT&T, not known for approving award-winning work, would have been one of TBWA’s largest clients. “Sure it would have been nice to bring some cash into the agency, but then we would have had to churn out shit,” noted another creative. “It would have been like ‘hey, dial 10,10,321’ or whatever the fuck that is,” he added. The creatives, who requested anonymity, tried to appear disappointed when the announcement was made, but said “it was all we could to refrain from high-fiving each other during the agency meeting.”


Car Companies In Final Negotiations To Secure Rights To Every Song Ever Created.
HOLLYWOOD— Major car companies met with a coalition of record labels late last week to secure rights to every song ever created in the history of the recording industry. The music, which will be featured in commercials for the automakers, is said to be worth billions. “What we are doing with this deal is making sure that popular music, from this point on, will be associated with cars and nothing else,” said a Ford spokesperson. “Everyone knows that recognizable music is a staple in any car TV spot. Now it we’ll make it formal,” he added. Insiders say this should make the process of creating car commercials even simpler than it already is.


Jennie-O Turkey Spot Fails To Lure A-List Directors
MINNEAPOLIS— Despite having “fucking killer boards,” creatives at BBDO Minneapolis are scratching their heads at the less-than-enthusiastic response they’ve gotten from top comedy shooters. “A lot of directors would kill to have this spot on their reel,” stated art director, Tom Real, adding, “Apparently Mr. Kinka Fucking Usher doesn’t need another Gold Lion on his shelf.” At the request of the team, BBDO Producer Kara Takehara sent the boards featuring Jennie-O regular Erik Estrada to nearly every top commercial director. “The result has been a resounding ‘no thanks’,” she said. “I tried to tell the team that maybe we should aim a little lower, but they were convinced we’d have directors begging us to do the spot.” The spot was ultimately awarded to veteran sitcom director Herb Frohman, who helmed such television hits as "Full House" and "Charles in Charge."
NEW YORK— Allegations surfaced last week when a team of account planners from Ogilvy & Mather suggested that Bates Advertising has infringed on their trademarked process of building brands.

Ogilvy, which operates under the term “360° Branding®” claims that Bates “Brandwheel™” process is “strikingly similar” to their own. “We’ve spent millions of dollars and months of work creating 360° Branding®. This is something that sets us apart from every other agency, “ said Martin McVeney, Senior Account Planner at Ogilvy. “To have Bates basically just rip it off is appalling,”

(FULL TEXT)
ADWEAK is a not-for-profit satirical web site produced by Adweak.com, and is in no way associated with ADWEEK® magazine or its various associated publications. All content should be considered fictional, written solely for the purposes of satire and entertainment, and no factual basis to the content is implied or should be inferred. ADWEAK uses invented names in all of its stories, except in cases when public or well-known figures and entities from the advertising industry or the world at large are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The copy text of this web site is © Copyright 2001 by Adweak.com, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. ADWEAK is not intended for readers under 18 years of age, or those misguided souls who, lacking outside hobbies, dating opportunities or a fully developed sense of perspective, are determined to take this absurdly self-absorbed industry seriously.