"'Tis the season." -The Editor 000 (FULL TEXT)

Ad Criticism & Blatantly Fake News
Vol. 3, No, 2000000 | 000000February 11, 2002
NFL To Copyright “The Big Game.”
NEW YORK— After years of advertisers skirting NFL licensing by substituting “The Big Game” for “The Super Bowl,” commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced Monday that his office has filed copyright papers for “The Big Game.” A spokesperson for Walgreens’ ad agency expressed concern over the move. “For years we’ve invited customers to ‘stock up for The Big Game’ without having to pay a dime to the NFL,” stated the spokesperson. “What now? Pigskin Classic? Championship Battle? We’re screwed,” he added. In addition to “The Big Game” Mr. Tagliabue will also copyright the following: ‘Football’ ‘Ball’ ‘Play’ and ‘The,' just to be safe.

TBWA/C/D Jr. Team’s Optimism For Retaining Earthlink Account Called "Cute" By Sr. Creatives.
PLAYA DEL REY— A junior creative team at TBWA/Chiat/Day has been working tirelessly trying to rally the department for the upcoming Earthlink pitch. Heard shouting, “We can fucking win this thing, we’re Chiat fucking Day,” the youngsters are thoroughly convinced that their encouragment will pay off. “It’s kinda cute,” said one senior writer. “The fact that Earthlink decided to put the account into review in the first place apparently means nothing to them,” he added. The juniors have been working nights and weekends in what many are calling a “completely futile effort.” Said one unidentified art director, “I don’t have the heart to tell the little fellas that we don’t have a shot in hell of winning the account. I give ‘em a few years before they become as cynical and negative as I am.”

Pytka Demonstrates Amazing Ability To Replicate Outfits, Hairstyles Of Different Eras In Britney Super Bowl Spot.
NEW YORK— In what has been described as a “masterpiece” by Advertising Age’s Bob Garfield, legendary commercial director Joe Pytka's 90-second Pepsi spot featuring Britney Spears has the industry buzzing. “Wow, he made it look like she (Britney) was a hippie in the 60s,” noted GSD&M art director Alan Friez, adding, “And he got how much to do that?” BBDO creative head Ted Sann said the process of replicated different eras was inspired. “Joe watched at a good 5 to 10 minutes of videotape of the TV show Gidget and then showed still frames to his wardrobe and hairstylists instructing them to ‘make Britney look like that’,” said Sann. “A lesser director never could have pulled it off.”

Soon-To-Be-Unemployed Bates Creatives Fearful Of Having To Actually Do Good Work At Next Agency.
IRVINE— Shocked by the recent announcement that Hyundai will be seeking a new agency, Bates creatives huddled in a conference room worried about their future. “We had it so easy here,” said ACD Dave Winstedt. “I mean, it’s not like the bar was very high at this place.” Copywriter Kimmy Hart-Mallory expressed similar concerns, saying “I was out of here at like 3:30 every day. If I have to go to a new agency they’ll expect me to stay until like 5:30 or 6:00.” The predominate concern at Bates, which creatives have nicknamed “The Country Club,” are fearful that if they get laid off and are forced to work for another agency, expectations may be higher. “It’s like I’m going to have to start trying to be creative and shit,” noted ACD Steven Biltek. “Unless I can get a job at FCB or something,” he added.
ST. LOUIS— In one of many post-Super Bowl studies, the heartfelt “Bowing Clydesdales” spot for beer giant Budweiser finally made it to the top of the likeability chart. The research firm of Graves/Brechnell was commissioned by Anheuser Busch to gather responses to its Super Bowl advertising. Desperate to find a group of respondents who actually liked the Clydesdales spot, the research firm had to expand it's search. “99.9% of Budweisers's target audience liked the funny spots- the “Hawk” spot or the “Satin Sheets” spot, so we had to look elsewhere,” said Graves/Brechnell senior analyst Tom Puorto. “When we showed the spot to a group of elderly women, it was amazing,” he added.

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