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Account Exec Somehow Believes Tom Cruise Would Entertain Offer To Do Toothpaste Commercial.
NEW YORK— Despite the view of pessimistic agency business affairs managers that there was approximately “no chance in hell” of hiring movie superstar Tom Cruise to represent Aquafresh Triple Protection™ toothpaste in an upcoming commercial, senior account executives at McCann/NY are still convinced the “Days of Thunder” star will eventually agree to terms. Said account supervisor Wendy Slasserman, “I’ve heard from a close friend of Tom’s personal assistant that he loves Aquafresh. Uses it all the time, in fact. So I can’t see why he wouldn’t want to do this. I mean, my god, we’d pay him almost a million dollars for a mere day or two of work. How could he say no?” Representatives from Aquafresh were said to be equally optimistic. Observed an Aquafresh brand manager, “This should be a great shoot, provided he doesn’t show up all shaggy haired or something. I mean, we’re buying the clean-cut “Top Gun” Tom Cruise, right?”
Donny Deutsch Suggests Title For New TV Show, “Hey Sittig, Where’s Your Show, Asshole?”
NEW YORK— Continuing a near decade-long private feud with award-winning west coast creative, Dick Sittig, Deutsch Advertising’s CEO Donny Deutsch has expressed hope that his new proposed MSNBC talk show will give him the leverage “to finally put that fucker in his place.” Said Deutsch, “Check it out, Sittig, I got a talk show now. A talk show. How you like them apples?” While the program, which will feature in-depth discussions of marketing, the role of media in modern society and “some hot looking broads” has yet to be officially titled, Deutsch is hoping the show’s name “really puts a burr up Sittig’s ass.” “I suggested a backdrop of me giving the finger to you know who, but someone as the network whined something about standards and practices having a problem with that. Whatever. All I know is the first show is going to be a look at fast food advertising, and let me tell you, it ain’t going to be pretty. Hear what I’m sayin’, Dick? I wouldn’t want to be you, let me tell you that.”
Siltanen/Keehn Status Report Meetings Now Very, Very Short.
LOS ANGELES— After enduring a string of debilitating account losses in recent months including the departure of Gateway Computers, executives at LA-based Siltanen/Keehn are doing everything they can to look on the bright side of their increasingly downsized agency. Said production manager Sharon Persall, “For one thing, we can get through those all-agency status meetings that used to take an hour in about two minutes or less. And half of that is just chit-chat. It’s really a lot nicer, actually.” Traffic director Jennifer Gilbert concurred. "I remember when the status reports were about 8 pages long, double-sided." she said. "And that was using small type. Now I can put it all onto a single page, with space left over for an updated employee list.” Added Persall, “The best thing is there’s never a shortage of chairs anymore. I mean, we could probably hold the meeting in my office if we wanted too, but then again, we’re paying for this conference room so we might as well use it for something."
Freelance Copywriter Promotes Self To Sr. Copywriter.
CHICAGO— “This was long overdue,” said freelance copywriter Warren Fargus upon announcing that after a careful review of his past year’s work, he has promoted himself to “sr. copywriter” effective immediately. Explained Fargus, “I think when you look at what I’ve done lately, the new title is well deserved, particularly if I’m going to remain happy doing what I’m doing.” With the “sr.” added to his resume and elaborate self-promotion mailers, he commented that he’s looking forward to tackling the higher-profile assignments previously reserved for more senior creatives. “Sure, I haven’t done a ton of TV in the past, but I think I’ll be doing my fair share from here on out,” he said. “The important thing is, I’m happy to be on the right career path to one day be an A.C.D. or even a freelance creative director somewhere.”
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