|
Ad Criticism & Blatantly Fake News |
|
Vol. 3, No, 7 00000 | 000000December 16, 2002
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
AARP Client Complains Prospective Agencies Talk Too Fast, Use Too Much Foul Language.
NEW YORK— In the midst of receiving pitches for their $100 million direct mail account, representatives from the American Association of Retired Persons are expressing their displeasure regarding the presentation styles of the agencies under consideration. Explained Irma Mainsall, AARP director of marketing, “They all seem very nice and their leave-behind materials are lovely, but we’d really appreciate it if they would just slow down a bit so we could hear what they’re saying. No one likes to hear people speaking that fast. It’s really quite rude.” Added Mainsall, “We also don’t need some of the language we’ve been hearing, ‘doggone this’ and ‘bunch of crud’ that. Really, is that necessary? If we wanted to hear that kind of sailor talk, we would have held our meetings in a saloon.” While the agencies had no official comments, one undisclosed account executive commented, “Good lord, they’re nice people, but this is getting ridiculous. The next thing you know they’ll be telling us the rooms are too cold again. I give up.”
Creative Director Confuses Getting Mentioned In Trade Magazine With Actually Winning An Award.
SAN FRANCISCO— After receiving a mention in a recent Advertising Age article discussing Microsoft advertising efforts, Gary Williamson, a creative director at McCann-Erickson/SF, has reportedly ordered the article enlarged and mounted on a sign in the agency lobby. Said Williamson in an agency-wide email, “This goes to show you with hard work comes great rewards. Congrats to everyone, give yourselves a pat on the back. Good job!” Creative staffers were less impressed, if not somewhat confused by Williamson’s apparent ‘celebration’ of the mention. “Did we win something? I’m confused,” said copywriter Duff Berginton. “I know he’s just trying to be positive, but the article wasn’t even about us. This is worse than the time he called an all-agency meeting to announce we made the Clio short list for a print ad a couple years back. It’s getting kind of embarrassing.”
Creatives Dying To Know What New Freelance Team Is Getting Paid.
LOS ANGELES— According to staffers at Motorola agency of record, Ogilvy/LA, the arrival of “hired gun” freelancers Jeff Malamud and Sherry Rittan has the entire creative department questioning the team’s possible compensation. “I wonder how much are those parasites are getting,” explained longtime art director, Glenn Mulbary. “Somebody said a grand a day. If that’s true, that’s fucking bullshit. What have they ever done?” His partner agreed. “I saw the short one pull into the parking lot yesterday in a new X5,’ said copywriter Shaun Tompson. “What do those things run, like 50 grand? Meanwhile, I got like a 2% raise this year because of ‘the economy.’ I hope they get cancer and die.” While Malamud and Rittan had no comment with regard to their day rates, they did state they were enjoying their time at Ogilvy, and were looking forward to “riding this gravy train for as long as possible.”
Self-Proclaimed “Old School” Copywriter Fired After Returning To Office From Lunch Hammered.
CHICAGO— Days after regaling jr. creatives with tales from “the good ol’ days” of advertising, veteran copywriter Max Fleischman was fired from DDB/Chicago after returning to the office from a two-hour lunch/drinking binge. “He was trashed,” explained Julie Reynolds, DDB Director of Personnel. Said copywriter Greg Lang, “I always thought the stories he’d tell were pretty cool, about running up expense reports and chasing tail with Ed McCabe, but when I saw him heaving into the kitchen sink and shaking, it was a different story. Man, he was fucked up. It was kind of depressing.” While representatives from the human resource department acknowledged Fleischman was “well-respected” by the younger members of his department, they stated they could not excuse his almost perpetual state of late-afternoon intoxication. Said Reynolds, “Max is a great old guy and we loved having him here, but enough’s enough. There are only so many times you can rationalize his telling the receptionist she has ‘cute little hoots’ as ‘just Max being Max.’”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
| ADWEAK is a not-for-profit satirical website produced by Adweak.com, and is in no way associated with ADWEEK® magazine or its various associated publications. All content should be considered fictional, written solely for the purposes of satire and entertainment, and no factual basis to the content is implied or should be inferred. ADWEAK uses invented names in all of its stories, except in cases when public or well-known figures and entities from the advertising industry or the world at large are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The copy text of this website is © Copyright 2002 by Adweak.com, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. ADWEAK is not intended for readers under 18 years of age, or those misguided souls who, lacking outside hobbies, dating opportunities or a fully developed sense of perspective, are determined to take this absurdly self-absorbed industry seriously. |
|
|
