Fallon Creative Dept. Pleads With
Agency Heads To Give United
Airlines Back To Y&R.
MINNEAPOLIS— With cries of "if I hear Gershwin again I’m going to kill somebody," Fallon creatives have appealed to Exec CD David Lubars and agency chairman Pat Fallon to hand the recently awarded United Airlines account back to Y&R "where it belongs." Citing the long hours spent in recent months "churning out the kind of crap that makes you wonder why they ever left Burnett," creative staffers had apparently assumed their former co-agency of record would eventually take the account off their hands completely. "To be honest, I thought it'd be a slam dunk. Y&R can do this kind of shit in their sleep," said an anonymous Fallon staffer, adding "There are only so many times you can present a board that begins with a smiling gate attendant and ends with a plane flying off into a sunset before you just lose it. And I did twenty boards like that just last week. We're screwed."

Bob Kuperman Addresses DDB
Staffers: "You Fucking Fucks,
What The Fuck? Fuck."
NEW YORK— Introducing himself to agency personnel for the first time as NY office president, former TBWA head Bob Kuperman has let it be known, "There are going to be some motherfucking changes around here, you better fucking believe it," Gesturing wildly with a lit cigar, Kuperman continued, "You fucking morons, I mean, fuck. You better fucking get with the fucking program, or I'm going to kick some goddamn motherfucking asses, you fucks," before storming into an office, slamming the door behind him. Asked to comment, a somewhat flustered DDB account executive stated, "We’d heard he sometimes comes across a little gruff, but once he gets to know us, I’m sure he’ll lighten up. He looks like such a teddy bear."

Art Director Inexplicably Demands
Raise After Making Clio Short List.
CHICAGO— Grant/Jacoby art director Matt Larkin has informed superiors that "you better pony up a few more dolares if you’re going to keep me here" in light of recently being named to the Clio Award’s preliminary "short list." Said a confused CD Chuck McDonald, "To be honest, when he first said something about this being "Mr. Matt’s time to cash in," I thought he was joking. I mean, it’s the goddamn short list. It’s not like an actual award or anything, right?" Nevertheless, McDonald is taking his art director’s recent request in stride. "I told him when he gets the certificate or bowl or whatever, to come see me," he said, adding, "Those Clio people ought to get a chuckle out of this."

Account Exec Lists 13 Separate
Points As Creative Brief's "Single
Most Important Message."
LOS ANGELES— Attempting to appease the demands of client Union 76, Dailey & Associates account executive Marsha Cohen has taken the innovative step of listing 13 unique points of communication under the creative brief heading, "What is the single most important message of this ad?" She explained, "Sometimes, an ad just needs to have more than a single 'single more important idea.' Union 76 gas stations offer convenient locations, excellent quality gasoline, well-stocked mini-marts, plus they are the official gas of NASCAR. How am I supposed to leave anything out?" While she admittedly had "no idea" how the creative team might accomplish all of this plus more in a single quarter-page newspaper ad, she observed, "That’s really not my problem."