"Whatever." -The Editor (FULL TEXT)
Deutsch Denies Ever Telling Mitsubishi
Client "This Is Going To Change Car
Advertising Forever."
PLAYA DEL REY— Despite significant evidence to the contrary, officials at Deutsch/LA declared today that they "never" stated their advertising for client Mitsubishi Motors would "change car advertising forever," nor did they recall making statements even suggesting such a boast. Said an agency spokesman, "I don’t know where you heard that load of crap, but it didn’t come from us." When presented with trade papers quoting agency personnel making the statement in question, however, he elaborated, "Misquotes like this happen all the time. Use a little common sense. We ran type over running footage and added a little music, for god’s sake. You think we’d ever get all high and mighty over something like that? Please." When pressed to comment further, he concluded by stating "Maybe we were drunk. What more can I say?"


Veteran Copywriter's Reference
To Neil French Draws Blank Stares
From Younger Creatives.
NEW YORK— Creative staff members at Kirshenbaum & Bond were left scratching their heads last week when 38 year-old copywriter Brian Flowers commented that a new campaign for Target "looked like something Neil French would have done." Said jr. copywriter David Fuchs, "Uh, Neil French? Is that a real guy’s name or are you making that up?" Equally confused by Flower’s obscure reference, his partner quickly added, "Dude, I think he’s bagging on us." When the "elder statesman" of the K/B creative staff explained the award-winning long copy style of Mr. French, the team was seen rolling their eyes before leaving his office mid-sentence. "Sometimes these old guys are lost in their own little worlds," said Fuchs later. "Next thing you know he’ll be talking about Tom McElligott again, whoever the fuck that is."


Ass’t AE Inexplicably Promoted To
Sr. AE In Less Than A Month.
EL SEGUNDO— Surpassing even the most optimistic agency projections, Team One Advertising ass’t account executive Tami Yanashi was promoted from her entry level position to an "account supervisor" level in a scant 28 days, breaking previous account personel promotion records by over 48 hours. Said Sr. Account Manager Eric McCormick, "Sometimes, you just have to reward talent when you see it. Tami correctly identified all five Lexus vehicles by name within her first two weeks here, and her conference reports so far have been just about top notch. We had to do something before someone else nabbed her out from under us." Ms. Yanashi had no comment on her remarkable success, other than she looks forward to seeing her new business cards once she ascertains the location of the agency mail room.


Junior Team Suggests Resigning
$450 Million Account Because "They
Won't Let Us Do Good Work."
CHICAGO— DDB jr. creatives Sarah Friesh and Dante Oberlin shocked senior agency personnel when in a recent creative dept. meeting, they suggested the agency resign longtime client McDonald’s "pronto" because in their opinion, "they won’t let us do anything good." "What the fuck?" said Oberlin. "All they want to see is burgers and happy families. How are we supposed to win awards with that? Let’s get rid of them already." His opinions were concurred by his partner, Ms. Friesh, who passionately told co-workers, "I didn’t spend 3 years at Portfolio Center to do this kind of crap. One day soon, it’s going to be me or them. Someone will have to go." While stating that the suggestions of Friesh and Oberlin "would be taken into consideration," a DDB spokesman said McDonald’s would remain a DDB client "for now and, god willing, far into the foreseeable future."

Just days after mega-agency Euro RSCG
bought a controlling stake in the hip, young
creative shop Black Rocket, staffers at the
San Francisco boutique are already feeling
the conservative influence of their new
parent. In a sternly-worded letter, or what
Euro RSCG calls its "corporate code of
conduct," a list of new rules have been laid
out which will take effect immediately.

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